I be hearin’ lot of ogre jokes over de years. Lot of dese be jokes de other peoples tell about ogres, ’bout us bein’ stupid an’ all, but dat alright. Ogres got thick skins. Here some de ones I heard.

How many ogres it take to light a torch?

Three – One to tear down de tree, one to take de branches off, an’ one to start de fire on top.

One day de trolls in de Big Bend be holdin’ a eatin’ contest, see who can eat de most meat. One ogre go dere to see how he do. De next day, his friend ask, “How you like dat troll eatin’ contest?” He say, “It alright, but dey kick me out affer I eat only two trolls!”

Why ogres be such bad fishermen?

De fish see de ogres comin’ an’ dey all scared away.

Why ogres be such good fisherman?

Dey shake dere fist at de water an’ de fish hop right in de boat!

An ogre go in dis bar one day an’ ask for a job. All de peoples in dere get real quiet an’ don’ cause no trouble when dey see him, but de barkeeper, he say no. Ogre come back de next day, an’ de next, an’ de same ting happen. Finally he ask on de next day, “Why you not hire me?” an’ de barkeep answer, “Why should I pay you as a bouncer, you be doin’ de job for free!”

One time dis ogre learn to be a wizard an’ gettin’ trained in castin’ all dese spells. He try to cast a lightin’ bolt, but all he get is dis crackle of lightnin’ from his ears. He be castin’ a fire spell an’ dis smoke fly out of his ears an’ he start coughin’. Finally he go back to de master an’ say, “Dis too hard, it hurtin’ me every time I cast de spell!” The master, he try to figure out what de ogre doin’ wrong, and askin’ him what he doin’. The ogre scratch his head an say, “Well, you always say I got to see de spell in my head before I cast it. I guess it not want to leave!”

(Dat last joke not really true, dere some ogre wizards, dey be real smarty an’ know lot of tings.)

Well dat all de jokes for now. I talk to you laters!

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